feelings

i just read my cousin's blog... her tots are the same as what i am experiencing now... like why am i bothering to fit my schedule around friends that matters to me... when at the end of it... they cant be bothered at all... i just woke up not long ago... in my la la land, i have this dream and was super upset with my friends... i scream at them and vent out all my emotions... i guess maybe my subconcious is trying to help me expressed out my anger... i feel so being made used of by ppl who matter to me... why... why is it that i must accomodate my time and my plans for them.... but do they even bother... i dont even know... i just know that i am feeling tired and sick.... sick of trying to please everyone... why shld i even bother....